Butterfly Ramblings

The shock is passing...

...but sorrow is setting in. I still haven't cried. I can't. Hubby says I won't because I'm stubborn. He's being so nice right now. Makes me want to hug him and kick him all at once. Last night my bad knee was bothering me so he offered to put muscle rub on it for me. It was really nice. My shoulders are broken out from the stress so he rubbed aloe gel all over my back, too.

I still don't know what to do. I told him last night that if there was even a possiblity of something else from the past coming up in the future he better tell me. Today he said he really didn't think anything else had happened (still sticking with the 'drunken blackout' thing). It's really hard to deal with this. I've started smoking again- I quit months ago, but it was either a pack of cigarettes or a bottle of booze. Like I told him, if I'd found out about this six months ago, I would have kicked him out. But now, after the best five months in our marriage, I find that hard to do. I'm either an optimist or a moron. Probably both.

Time to clean up the house. He asked if some of our friends could come over tonight after work. I told him that would be fine. So at about 11:45 tonight my house will be filled with an assortment of males carrying Raw Deal cards and (hopefully) poker chips.

posted by ButterflyLane @ 7:05 PM